The change

It was 10pm and I was frying cucur udang when I suddenly felt the urge to blog. It was a weird moment. I was quite a blogger some five to ten years back, despite my busy schedule while studying and work, I still managed to squeeze some time to sit in front of the pc or laptop and blog my brains out.

Times have changed. See now I am a mother to an almost 2 year old active eating non stop talking girl. The only time I have that I can really sit or lay down and do nothing is after everyone has gone to bed. Which is now.

This time next month I will be 34. I feel like suddenly I am in my mid 30s. when I feel like I am 28 since forever. I remembered, before technology was a big thing, I used to have thick journals and everything was in there. It was the safest place to write whatever I want without having anybody judging me because nobody could read it. Now we are somesort in a borderline in the middle kinda where you wanna write but not really wanna write cause you want people to know that you have something to share but don't really wanna share. So you come up with some phrase or quote or put picture just to mess with people's head. It's all twisted and confusing. Coming to my point, in my once upon atime thick journal, I remember how sincerely and honest my posts used to be. Of course, it was private. And I remember vividly how I once wrote how I imagined my life  in the mid 30s.

I had two scenarios, if I was married, I'd be staying at USJ and work at some insurance company in KL as an underwriter or an actuarist. I would have that 9 to 5 job , drive a Proton Wira and have a maid to take care of the house and kids. If I was still single, I'd still work at the insurance company, take my SOA papers and do my MBA and live with my parents.

So None of those happened. Haha. I never dreamed of living here in a land of foreign language, experiencing four seasons in a day in April and constructing sentences in my head before even saying it out loud to someone. Everday is a struggle, but a good one, I learned from experience. It doesn't mean that I am better than anybody else. I am still the same person. I still dance in front of the mirror to Britney's Hit Me Baby when no one is watching. I still have that blur face. Though a lot of things have changed, a lot still remained the same.

And by the end of this month, inshaAllah we will have another change. The big move to a new city, new place and new life awaits. I will miss Erlangen dearly. It's where my daughter was born, took her first step, went to school and met new friends. Three years went by so fast. I remember the morning when me and my husband arrived our new home. It was drizzling. We held hands feeling excited and also the weather was very cold. I remember watching the meteor shower from the windows of our room during Ramadhan and praying hard to have a baby and was pregnant three months later. The time when I ran home after I passed my driver's test. All these experience and memories I will cherish in my heart..

Feels good to be able to share this.

The resolution solution

Every end of the year, people will list down their resolutions for next year. Only a small amount of people follow through. If you're lucky, you will reach the first quarter. But many last three weeks.

So what is the deal with the first day of the year? Why is it so important to start something at the beginning of the year? The new look, new handbag, new recipe book, new shoes,  new set of books to read. It all sounds very promising in the beginning. Hopeful. Inspiring. I guess because it's easier to remember. Every last day of the year, you will remember what you did or where you were this time last year. And it would seem so vivid that it feels like  it was just yesterday and not 364 days ago. You won't be thinking about what you did on March 17th or August 5th last year unless it's your birthday or anniversary or an official public holiday.

So here I am,  on my bed with my 19 month old baby next  to me fast asleep since 726pm thinking what is my resolution for 2015. Gee,  I really don't know. I guess as you grow older you just wake up every morning thinking of the things you need to do for the day and just try your best to do it. And if you're lucky,  you get some free time to really do something you are passionate about. Of course I want to achieve some things personally but very simple stuff. I guess one of it would be to blog more?

I wish you a good year ahead. Happy new year!

*This is one of my random posts.

The comeback

"The more the world changes, the more I try to be the same"

After so many failed attempts of making a comeback into the world of blogging, I am finally,  (for real) back.  I had like six blogs before this one and a few unfinished video blogs (which I will be posting in the next post,  please gag now) and some other scribbles of ideas on what to write on my blog. I was trying so hard to figure out the genre of my blog, my identity, I forgot that my genre was just writing. I am not a fashion blogger or a cook expert or a parent-pedia blogger. I am just a simple person living a normal everyday life. It was until I heard someone said "you are good with words" that it finally hit me. (by the way, she said it, not me. I am not sure how true it is) I miss blogging. I miss just writing and inspiring people with my crappy ideas and worthless words. I miss making sense out of nonsense. I miss writing paragraphs of absolutely nothing of no one's interest and how ironic it is that someone out there can relate to something totally unrelated. I miss quoting from movies and TV shows and write a whole post about it.

This is me. This is who I was before I became a social network butterfly. During the friendster era, I was on fire. I would blog about almost anything on my mind. Ideas were coming to me like a river flowing down the stream. I fell in love with blogging. If I wrote a book, it would probably be published. Not sure if it would not good though. But published non the less. Then Facebook came.  Facebook made me limit my thinking with just writing "what's on my mind". I tend to write short updates. What I had for lunch. Or if I am hungry.  Or even worse, vaguebooking. And get threads  of replies and ended up replying to those replies. People became weirder after Facebook was on Android and IPhones. Everything was instant and shared. Sharing was not about caring anymore.  Sharing meant showing off. Then came Instagram. The modern day photopage.  You don't need 5 minutes to upload that trip to Penang anymore. It's instant. It took social networking to a whole different dimension.

The world has changed. It still is changing. I try to be the same but I was pulled in to change. I changed too. However, deep down I am still the same old person. I am still a sucker of the 90s. I still listen to Lisa Loeb's Stay. I still write letters and send post cards. I still cry watching My Girl. (whatever happened to Culkin guy)

I feel that blogspot is saying this to me right now (haha)

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
I'm afraid that she might think of me as plain ol' Jane
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the milky way
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

I will try to blog more.  I am back people. 😘😘😘