I can never forget that morning. Me & Ikhwan brought AQ to the cafe for breakfast. Its always a good idea to walk after giving birth. We were filling up the forms, deciding on his second name, I was still torn between Omar or Rami. ikhwan went back to the room to take something and later came back saying that he had bumped into the doctor. He said that the doctor wanted to see me immediately. I thought it was weird, so said I will come over soon. He left me and AQ to take the forms but two minutes later Ikhwan came back again with the doctor. I was so blur when the doctor was telling Ikhwan in German "you can tell her in English or German". I was like what is happening? I could feel my stomach aching. Ikhwan spoke to me in English telling me that they had to take AQ to the ICU because he had an infection. I was listening to what he said, I was looking at his sad eyes as he was breaking the news to me. It all felt like a bad dream because we were just saying to each other, if everything goes well, we could go home the next day. The news completely changed our state of mind. We walked to the icu room together with the doctor as she pushed the small baby bed. I was still processing what was happening. I envisioned my days there in the icu, how would they be like, I imagined my first child excitedly waiting for his little brother to come back, she is still too small to understand. They took him in as we waited outside. I heard a baby cry. I wasn't sure if it was him, I just knew him for two days. My mind was imagining the worst, what would they do to my 2 day old baby, which we have yet to give a second name at that time. A couple of minutes later they said he was ready and we could come in. With a heavy heart, we entered the ICU room, and as parents we had access at any time at all. I looked at him in the incubator, body covered with cables. He looked different. He opened his eyes and looked at me, from the cube. I wanted to hold him but I wasn't sure if I could. I had tears in my eyes as the nurse was explaining to me in German what those cables are for. And as parents, we are allowed to hold him, feed him, and even change his diaper. The nurse was nice and I can never forget her. Schwester Gaby. A small old lady with very thick glasses. Her hair was partially grey and black and shoulder length. She somehow reminds me of a character in the movie 'The incredibles'. She wasn't that good with computers but she does an excellent job with the babies. I could see that she has done this probably a thousand times. She patted my shoulder and said 'don't worry we will take good care of him'. I am not a touchie person, I often freeze when people suddenly give me a hug, or suddenly brush my hand during conversations. But at that moment, her reassurance gave me a sense of relief. He has been inside me for 39+2 days and to see him being in a cubicle with cables was heartbreaking. God knows how hard I try to hide my tears. Everytime I try to breastfeed him, it was a struggle. I worry if I might screw up any cables or hurt him. He had one on his head, which made it hard for me to change sides while feeding. Feeding time took longer as it was a bit more challenging, the antibiotics made him sleepy so he sleeps during feedings. Each feeding usually took me about 1.5 hours. There was a chair that I would sit for that 1.5 hours or more. It wasn't a comfortable chair to sit for more than 1 hour, with newborn, who is trying to drink. But It didn't matter that I was hurting my back. It didn't matter if I wasn't getting any proper sleep, all that matters at that time, is that he recovers fully. Allah is great, after 6 days in the hospital, we finally could go back home. A child is a gift from Allah, an amanah, that all parents should take good care of. May Allah bless and protect all our children. Amin.
