It was 10pm and I was frying cucur udang when I suddenly felt the urge to blog. It was a weird moment. I was quite a blogger some five to ten years back, despite my busy schedule while studying and work, I still managed to squeeze some time to sit in front of the pc or laptop and blog my brains out.
Times have changed. See now I am a mother to an almost 2 year old active eating non stop talking girl. The only time I have that I can really sit or lay down and do nothing is after everyone has gone to bed. Which is now.
This time next month I will be 34. I feel like suddenly I am in my mid 30s. when I feel like I am 28 since forever. I remembered, before technology was a big thing, I used to have thick journals and everything was in there. It was the safest place to write whatever I want without having anybody judging me because nobody could read it. Now we are somesort in a borderline in the middle kinda where you wanna write but not really wanna write cause you want people to know that you have something to share but don't really wanna share. So you come up with some phrase or quote or put picture just to mess with people's head. It's all twisted and confusing. Coming to my point, in my once upon atime thick journal, I remember how sincerely and honest my posts used to be. Of course, it was private. And I remember vividly how I once wrote how I imagined my life in the mid 30s.
I had two scenarios, if I was married, I'd be staying at USJ and work at some insurance company in KL as an underwriter or an actuarist. I would have that 9 to 5 job , drive a Proton Wira and have a maid to take care of the house and kids. If I was still single, I'd still work at the insurance company, take my SOA papers and do my MBA and live with my parents.
So None of those happened. Haha. I never dreamed of living here in a land of foreign language, experiencing four seasons in a day in April and constructing sentences in my head before even saying it out loud to someone. Everday is a struggle, but a good one, I learned from experience. It doesn't mean that I am better than anybody else. I am still the same person. I still dance in front of the mirror to Britney's Hit Me Baby when no one is watching. I still have that blur face. Though a lot of things have changed, a lot still remained the same.
And by the end of this month, inshaAllah we will have another change. The big move to a new city, new place and new life awaits. I will miss Erlangen dearly. It's where my daughter was born, took her first step, went to school and met new friends. Three years went by so fast. I remember the morning when me and my husband arrived our new home. It was drizzling. We held hands feeling excited and also the weather was very cold. I remember watching the meteor shower from the windows of our room during Ramadhan and praying hard to have a baby and was pregnant three months later. The time when I ran home after I passed my driver's test. All these experience and memories I will cherish in my heart..
Feels good to be able to share this.
